I Want To Feel Invincible

I am someone who loves to drive fuel efficient economy cars.  I love import cars.  Cars that are destined to last an excess of 250,000 miles and keep going a little longer.  Cars that trade longevity for get-up-and-go!  If it is made in a country across the ocean, I am bound to buy it.

So I am pumping gas into my economy, long lasting, import car at the gas station.  This young southern boy looks at me from across the parking lot and revs his engine on his USA made car.  I hear the engine roar on his SUV.  He says to me "you hear that?  That is the sound of torque!"  I look back at him confused.  By the time his car is broken down on the side of the road, my car will just be getting broken in.

Then later that same year another incident occurs.  This time involving a large, lifted truck.  The guy is tailgating me!  He is inches from my rear bumper.  I am driving at an adequate speed.  There is really no reason for him to be tailgating me in this violent manner.  He roars around me and proceeds to give me the middle finger.  I am sorry sir!  I am sorry that I am even alive.  I am sorry that I was the sperm who made it to the egg.  I am sorry I was born.  How dare I inconvenience you will my pathetic, fuel efficient car-driving existence.

One day I want to get rich and famous from writing blogs and selling drawings.  In case you do not know, you can actually buy military surplus Hummers.  I want to get one of them.  I want to drive around and not worry that I am getting about eight miles to the gallon.  I want to be impervious to the threats of cars that have "torque" or lifted trucks that are following me by inches from behind.  I want to feel invincible!